Gun Girl. We started communicating rather early in the whole process. We emailed consistently for almost 3 months. Finally got the nerve to ask for a number and she gave it to me. So began the most epic game of phone tag ever. It got to the point where I gave up. She sent an email saying goodbye and I replied apologizing for the lack of communication. We started emailing and trying to call each other again but it phone tag continued. Finally she got frustrated and suggested Lunch half way (we lived about 2 hours away from each other). I countered with dinner at a later date since I would be in her neck of the woods anyway.
Dinner was great easy to talk to, beautiful, funny. I emailed her and asked her out again and she agreed, this time a burger joint and a show afterwards. Didn't make it to the show as she had to be up early but again, dinner was great. I called and asked her out again. She agreed again. Pizza and a movie. Fun times. I asked her out again that night and she said she would get back to me. At this point I figured I would never see her again. To my surprised she called a few days later and agreed. So we met up at an Oktoberfest type thing and had a good time. I called the next day and left a message. She called back the next day and we chatted for a while. I asked her if she was doing anything a couple weeks out and she was going home for the holidays. I then asked if she was doing anything that Friday. She said she was busy all weekend. And so it goes.
Lessons Learned
1) Nice people have trouble saying no. Gun girl was a very nice person. I would almost characterize the dates as pity dates. This characterization is more a function of my own insecurities (she was gorgeous, why she kept agreeing to go out with me was baffling).
2) Fate favors the bold. I never kissed her. I never tried to kiss her. In 4 dates. I'll let that sink in a bit... yeah stupid huh? Well I have various reasons, all of them flimsy and weak. She never initiated ANY physical contact with me. Nonverbal communication was screaming "DON'T TOUCH ME." arms always folded, she was always just far enough away that to try to kiss her would be way to obvious and inappropriate. I would touch her arm and her back, but the touching was never reciprocated. I chalked it up to her prudishness, but I just think she wasn't interested in me.
3) Driving 2 hours to see her came off as weak and needy. Fuck driving that far for anybody. If they want to see me, they can drive to me.
On a side note, I named her gun girl due to her take on guns. She loves the movie You've Got Mail. In it, one of the characters laments how she could never be with someone who owns a boat. Well this is how gun girl framed the gun issue. I listed shooting as a hobby of mine. It is something I enjoy and I do own several firearms. Gun girl basically said she could never be with someone who owned firearms. I replied with how the opposite character in the movie replied: "I own guns, so I guess that means we will never be together." How right I was. She relented and backed down obviously and went out on 4 dates with me.
So yeah, I'm bummed out again. I hate dating. Still going to do. No choice, it's self-destructive without being fattening
ADDENDUM: I received an email from gun girl about a month after our last conversation. Seems she's a sucker for the whole unresolved and closure thing. Basically said the same thing as every other girl who has ever dumped me said: not the girl for you, you're a great guy, stay friends, blah blah blah. I replied saying I already knew what she revealed in her email and already considered the matter "resolved." She replied that she was genuinely interested in remaining in contact and she hoped I would stay in touch. Fat Fucking Chance.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
2nd Grade Girl - After Action Report
I also met 2nd grade girl early on in the process. I met her prior to meeting PhD girl. I simply forgot about it. Clearly she made an impression. Matched up through eharmony. She looked cute enough in her pictures. We emailed for a while before she dropped off the face of the earth for about 2 weeks. She suddenly turned up again and gave me her real email address and phone number. We started talking. She seemed cool enough. Laughed at all my funny quips and one liners. Eventually, if not awkwardly, I asked her out for drinks. She agreed and we met up.
Well her pictures were not quite representative of how she looked now. She was fun enough to hang out with. However she had a patronizing quality about her I found grating. She would often talk to me like I was one of her second graders. Jokes that would have made her laugh on the phone now seemed to annoy her. Perhaps I wasn't quite what she expected either.
At the end of the night I walked her to her car, we chatted a bit and then left. I never called her back. She never called me back. I think the unattraction was mutual.
Lessons Learned:
Well her pictures were not quite representative of how she looked now. She was fun enough to hang out with. However she had a patronizing quality about her I found grating. She would often talk to me like I was one of her second graders. Jokes that would have made her laugh on the phone now seemed to annoy her. Perhaps I wasn't quite what she expected either.
At the end of the night I walked her to her car, we chatted a bit and then left. I never called her back. She never called me back. I think the unattraction was mutual.
Lessons Learned:
- Drink dates are good for vetting purposes. They are cheap and allow me to be chivalrous without spending a small fortune on dinner and show. Coffee or Alcohol is fine, it also leaves open the possibility of turning it into a dinner date.
- Phone chemistry never equals in-person chemistry. Ever.
- beware the 30+ year old females with really good pictures.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
PhD girl - after action report
I should be working right now, but I need to update this blog. a lot has happened in the last 3 months. Well maybe not, but to me it is a lot. First update is PhD girl.
So far all my dates have manifested through eHarmony. If you are willing to pay the premium, eHarmony is great for lazy people. They give a list of matches every couple of days or so. You peruse through them and initiate communication if you feel so inclined, or close the match. No searching, no nothing. There are 3 stages of 'guided' communication before you start 'open' communication aka emails. And so it goes.
PhD girl and I started talking on the phone within a week of the initial match. Smart girl with a southern accent, I was hooked. We seemed to hit it off well. First 'sorta' date was a movie. We were supposed to meet at the theaters, but she went out with school mates and was buzzed. I ended up picking her up, which I didn't mind, but still some weird guy you've known for less than a couple weeks is picking your drunk ass up? Yeah, not so smart. Anyhow, she sleeps through the movie. I honestly don't care, I had wanted to see the movie regardless ('500 days of Summer' good flick). I take her home.
Next day I email her to see if she wanted to do something that weekend. She says yes and we have a couple more phone calls, all good, though she seems very forward about sex, the types of guys she goes for (Doesn't really describe me, I suspect I'm too short for her), etc. I don't mind the sex talk but it is looking less and less likely we will be having any by the tone of the conversations.
Second date is to a small, out of the way, hole in the wall burger joint about 1.5 hours outside of town. I don't remember the name, but the burgers were decent. Good conversation on the way up. Suspicions of this going nowhere are confirmed, more sex talk (man if only she knew how long it had been since I last had sex), more talk of us being friends, etc. Desert was ok, drive back was a bit more difficult. She mentioned something about soldiers being murders (she knew my brother served in the Armed Forces) and she lost me completely at that point. Hard to be friends with someone with those view points, call me closed minded. Dropped her off, she couldn't get out of the car quickly enough.
Lessons Learned:
1) Early dates should not involve long car rides. Long car rides are a double edged sword. It can be a great time getting to know someone but once you know them, you may not want to be around them much longer. That and you really ought to spend more time at the destination doing something fun than more time in the car getting there.
2) If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a liberal. Don't discuss politics on early on. She brought it up and I finished it. We were diametrically opposed in our beliefs. This only made the car ride longer (see point #1)
3) Please don't obsess over sex, especially if you don't plan on having any with me.
Over all it was a nice break from having to play the dating game. Since I went into this with the mindset of a friend date (established by previous phone calls) I didn't really feel I was risking anything. Still I was a bit nervous and couldn't think of anything fun and cheap to do. I need to work on that.
So far all my dates have manifested through eHarmony. If you are willing to pay the premium, eHarmony is great for lazy people. They give a list of matches every couple of days or so. You peruse through them and initiate communication if you feel so inclined, or close the match. No searching, no nothing. There are 3 stages of 'guided' communication before you start 'open' communication aka emails. And so it goes.
PhD girl and I started talking on the phone within a week of the initial match. Smart girl with a southern accent, I was hooked. We seemed to hit it off well. First 'sorta' date was a movie. We were supposed to meet at the theaters, but she went out with school mates and was buzzed. I ended up picking her up, which I didn't mind, but still some weird guy you've known for less than a couple weeks is picking your drunk ass up? Yeah, not so smart. Anyhow, she sleeps through the movie. I honestly don't care, I had wanted to see the movie regardless ('500 days of Summer' good flick). I take her home.
Next day I email her to see if she wanted to do something that weekend. She says yes and we have a couple more phone calls, all good, though she seems very forward about sex, the types of guys she goes for (Doesn't really describe me, I suspect I'm too short for her), etc. I don't mind the sex talk but it is looking less and less likely we will be having any by the tone of the conversations.
Second date is to a small, out of the way, hole in the wall burger joint about 1.5 hours outside of town. I don't remember the name, but the burgers were decent. Good conversation on the way up. Suspicions of this going nowhere are confirmed, more sex talk (man if only she knew how long it had been since I last had sex), more talk of us being friends, etc. Desert was ok, drive back was a bit more difficult. She mentioned something about soldiers being murders (she knew my brother served in the Armed Forces) and she lost me completely at that point. Hard to be friends with someone with those view points, call me closed minded. Dropped her off, she couldn't get out of the car quickly enough.
Lessons Learned:
1) Early dates should not involve long car rides. Long car rides are a double edged sword. It can be a great time getting to know someone but once you know them, you may not want to be around them much longer. That and you really ought to spend more time at the destination doing something fun than more time in the car getting there.
2) If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a liberal. Don't discuss politics on early on. She brought it up and I finished it. We were diametrically opposed in our beliefs. This only made the car ride longer (see point #1)
3) Please don't obsess over sex, especially if you don't plan on having any with me.
Over all it was a nice break from having to play the dating game. Since I went into this with the mindset of a friend date (established by previous phone calls) I didn't really feel I was risking anything. Still I was a bit nervous and couldn't think of anything fun and cheap to do. I need to work on that.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Trivia Wings
Met up with a friend at Pluckers for wings and trivia. I enjoyed myself and got to meet some great people... again. I've met them before but I never remember who they are and they never remember who I am. It works well like that. Ii never develop a reputation and remain somewhat 'mysterious.' This will inevitably change. I've decided to become more involved with other people and groups. So I'll be seeing more of this particular church group. Part of the my quest to get the dating thing figured out. Like my mastery of cigarettes and alcohol, I will master and conquer dating. Only dating, I suspect will prove more dangerous than either smoking or drinking.
I need to brush up on my trivia.
I still want to learn to dance.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Dating
So I've decided to try dating again. I have no idea what 'dating' really means. For me it means signing up on a bunch of different dating websites and waiting for the babes to flock to me. Well, the babes aren't flocking, must not be babe season.
After Action report:
I had one potential go nowhere. It was my fault. I think I appeared too eager. We emailed for a couple weeks, then a couple of phone calls and a date. Date was nice. I had zero positive non-verbal queues and a couple of positive verbal queues. Nothing negative though I suspected she was just being polite, I decided to take everything at face value (mistake 1). Called the next day (mistake 2) and expressed interest in another date, she said she had to check her schedule. She texted later asking if the following Saturday would be good, I said yes and the second date was set. A couple of texts and a phone call later and the date was off. She didn't feel any chemistry, she tried hard to like me, I'm a really nice guy, blah blah blah. At least she saved me a trip to Waco. I was disappointed for a couple of reasons. Firstly, that I wouldn't get to see her again, I actually liked her. Secondly, that I opted for the positive and let my gut and perceptiveness take a back seat, taking things at face value. I'm much sharper in my pessimistic self. Unfortunately, pessimism is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are always right in situations where you wouldn't mind being wrong.
Conclusions:
1) Don't appear too eager. Show enough interest to keep them interested, indifference is endsville
2) Shut up and listen. I talk to much when i am nervous. I think I tried too hard to impress. I talked to much about myself and not enough about her. I'm too concerned with showing what a great guy I am that I forgot that girls don't care about what a great guy I am. They simply don't care. I'll keep it to witty quips and things to make her laugh. This will several purposes:
a) I won't divulge too much info.
b) makes me appear mysterious and intriguing.
c) inflate her ego.
d) leaves something to talk about later.
I would expand on these but it is pretty self-evident.
3) Dating is a game of manipulation. Girls, especially, are fond of saying they don't want to play games or anything. Girls are liars and the ones that say they don't like playing games are the biggest liars of all. It is a game of striking the right balance of communication. Show too much interest and you are suck, show too little interest and it's endsville. Strike the right balance, and you're golden. Prime example is the ex-fiance' but that is another story for another time. This last girl, I'm sure I came off as needy. Oh well.
So if I have another date, I'll post additional after action reports. In the meantime, back to work
After Action report:
I had one potential go nowhere. It was my fault. I think I appeared too eager. We emailed for a couple weeks, then a couple of phone calls and a date. Date was nice. I had zero positive non-verbal queues and a couple of positive verbal queues. Nothing negative though I suspected she was just being polite, I decided to take everything at face value (mistake 1). Called the next day (mistake 2) and expressed interest in another date, she said she had to check her schedule. She texted later asking if the following Saturday would be good, I said yes and the second date was set. A couple of texts and a phone call later and the date was off. She didn't feel any chemistry, she tried hard to like me, I'm a really nice guy, blah blah blah. At least she saved me a trip to Waco. I was disappointed for a couple of reasons. Firstly, that I wouldn't get to see her again, I actually liked her. Secondly, that I opted for the positive and let my gut and perceptiveness take a back seat, taking things at face value. I'm much sharper in my pessimistic self. Unfortunately, pessimism is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are always right in situations where you wouldn't mind being wrong.
Conclusions:
1) Don't appear too eager. Show enough interest to keep them interested, indifference is endsville
2) Shut up and listen. I talk to much when i am nervous. I think I tried too hard to impress. I talked to much about myself and not enough about her. I'm too concerned with showing what a great guy I am that I forgot that girls don't care about what a great guy I am. They simply don't care. I'll keep it to witty quips and things to make her laugh. This will several purposes:
a) I won't divulge too much info.
b) makes me appear mysterious and intriguing.
c) inflate her ego.
d) leaves something to talk about later.
I would expand on these but it is pretty self-evident.
3) Dating is a game of manipulation. Girls, especially, are fond of saying they don't want to play games or anything. Girls are liars and the ones that say they don't like playing games are the biggest liars of all. It is a game of striking the right balance of communication. Show too much interest and you are suck, show too little interest and it's endsville. Strike the right balance, and you're golden. Prime example is the ex-fiance' but that is another story for another time. This last girl, I'm sure I came off as needy. Oh well.
So if I have another date, I'll post additional after action reports. In the meantime, back to work
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Introductions
I'm SWiTch, though this isn't my real name. And no it is not in reference to turning a switch on or off, or a switch hitter (though I do like baseball, and no I am not bisexual). A nom de guerre. My desire for some semblance of anonymity is rooted in the fact that I will write about things that I don't want the people I know to know about. All names will be changed to protect me. I will write about anything I damn well please. This is my 1,526th attempt at keeping a blog. I'll do my best to keep this coherent but I make no promises. here are some details to get everybody oriented:
-SWiTch
- I'm in my very late 20s
- I'm a male
- I live in Austin Texas
- I'm originally from California
- I work in the tech industry
- I do my own taxes
- I live alone
- I didn't vote in the last election (though I say I voted to avoid being chastised by people who say they voted in the last election but probably didn't)
- I've met one TV/movie celebrity in my life time
-SWiTch
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