If at first you don't succeed...

Started the diet thing again. Modified from previous versions. Hardcore first month (shakes mostly), then a transition to healthy food. You know, whole grain this, fat free that. I'll also be waking up at 5am to go to the gym. So far so good with the 5am thing. I am NOT a morning person. I need sleep. So looks like my bedtime will be 9-10pm each night. Which is not a big deal, seeing as how I'm not dating or anything.

A Blessing and a Curse

The Blessing
Firstly, and most importantly, I wish to congratulate my youngest brother for finally proposing to his girlfriend. I couldn't imagine a more perfect couple getting hitched. His fiance' will be a wonderful addition to the family. I'm especially looking forward to the wedding in August.

The Curse
I'm almost 5 years my brother's senior. The onslaught of questions and comments regarding my own marital status (specifically my lack thereof) will be formidable. It will certainly be a test of my intestinal fortitude, my ability to bite my tongue, to grin and bear it. I have all sorts of smart assery I could unleash, but I don't want to alienate my family and friends. They certainly mean well, but honestly, do they really think I'm not aware of the fact my youngest brother is getting married before me? The best tact for me to employ is to return the focus on my brother and his fiance'. After all the last thing I want is draw attention away from them.

I may get married, I probably won't.

Cat Girl - After Action Report

Met cat girl through eharmony. She listed she had pets but didn't specify they were cats. She has 3 cats. This didn't bode well from the get go but I decided to see where it would end up. I even told her I was allergic to cats but she didn't seem particularly phased by that statement. We had a couple of great phone conversations. She laughs easy and at the right spots so I was hopeful.

I told her I would call her upon landing when I got back from visiting family over the holidays. I called and left a message. She texted back she was with family and would call later that day. She didn't get back to me for a couple days. When we did talk we had another great conversation. We agreed to "sorta" meet. She was going to a concert in town and I was going to a different concert. We met up, had a couple of drinks, talked a bit, and went to our respective concerts. This was the night before new year's eve. Than New Year's Eve, a couple of texts. Than I called her the day after new year's day and left a voicemail. Got a text back saying she'd call me Sunday.

She didn't call me until the following Saturday, after I 'closed' our match at eharmony. We talked for a bit and I asked her out for this Wednesday. She agreed. I told her I would call later in the week to confirm plans. In the meantime, i did that Internet stalker thing I do and found her twitter page with the following tweet: "Saturday kisses that makes you weak in the knees - Awesome!!" Yeah, I was expecting an interesting conversation when I called her.

I called her on Tuesday, and surprisingly she still wanted to go out so we figured out plans and I double checked that she was good to go for Wednesday. Things had been busy at work for her. She was good. Made plans, things were set. Than Wednesday at about 4:30ish I get a text from her saying how she was mentally and physically exhausted, asking to reschedule. I replied "No Problem, get some rest, talk later" and then promptly removed her number from my phone. I hate flaky people.

Lessons Learned:
Nothing really learned. I gave cat girl a chance and it didn't pan out. I was impressed with how she left herself avenues of escape, always had an excuse so she would never have to be the bad guy. Something I should probably learn. I guess I learned never ever ever make an exception to my personal rule about dating women with pets. Problem is single women and pets are inseparable. I don't understand the proclivity of single women to have pets, especially cats. I figure this has narrowed my dating pool by at least 90%. Oh well.

Promises kept

Posting again, I should be writing an article for work. I should also be writing my personal statement for grad school apps. Instead I'm writing on this blog that only one person may actually read now (Hi Lily!).

I was bored so I did some internet stalking activities of cat girl to get more info. Found her facebook page which led me to her twitter page. On it she mentions something about Sunday Kiss leaving you weak in the knees as being awesome. FYI I wasn't the one doing the kissing. Awesome. The phone call this evening and date on Wednesday should prove interesting. Well there may be no date on Wednesday, but the phone call should be fun.

I guess the question is how I approach this? I wouldn't mind being her friend, she seems cool enough. But I'm not especially keen on how she has approached this whole thing.

Maybe she was talking about her cats kissing her, HA!

I Just Wasn't Made for Dating

I quit. Well not entirely.

I canceled my eHarmony and other dating site accounts for a variety of reasons:

Firstly, I started gaining back a lot of weight. I don't blame the dating for the gain, but I don't need to give girls another reason to not go out with me. And since dating usually revolves around drinking and eating, and since I can't drink and eat when I'm dieting, no sense in dating.

Secondly, my blood pressure has risen considerably since I started dating. I could blame the weight gain, but the one glowing aspect of my health record has always been my blood pressure. Even when I was almost 300 pounds my blood pressure was a solidly average 120/80. When I lost the weight it dipped to 105/70. The last doctor's visit (and smack dab in the middle of the gun girl debacle) had my blood pressure at 146/90. WTF!

Thirdly, Dating is expensive. I'm applying to grad school and need to save as much money as humanly possible to afford it. Dating is giant waste of money. Why pay for 3 hours of anxiety and embaressment when All I need to do is go to the gym every couple of days in some tight fitting clothes and get the same feeling... for only the cost of a membership!

There currently is a girl I am talking to, but I have very low expectations for this. She has 3 cats. I tend to be very allergic to cats. She is the last of the eharmony girls. I have dubbed her cat girl. After action report to follow.

Gun Girl, After Action Report

Gun Girl. We started communicating rather early in the whole process. We emailed consistently for almost 3 months. Finally got the nerve to ask for a number and she gave it to me. So began the most epic game of phone tag ever. It got to the point where I gave up. She sent an email saying goodbye and I replied apologizing for the lack of communication. We started emailing and trying to call each other again but it phone tag continued. Finally she got frustrated and suggested Lunch half way (we lived about 2 hours away from each other). I countered with dinner at a later date since I would be in her neck of the woods anyway.

Dinner was great easy to talk to, beautiful, funny. I emailed her and asked her out again and she agreed, this time a burger joint and a show afterwards. Didn't make it to the show as she had to be up early but again, dinner was great. I called and asked her out again. She agreed again. Pizza and a movie. Fun times. I asked her out again that night and she said she would get back to me. At this point I figured I would never see her again. To my surprised she called a few days later and agreed. So we met up at an Oktoberfest type thing and had a good time. I called the next day and left a message. She called back the next day and we chatted for a while. I asked her if she was doing anything a couple weeks out and she was going home for the holidays. I then asked if she was doing anything that Friday. She said she was busy all weekend. And so it goes.

Lessons Learned
1) Nice people have trouble saying no. Gun girl was a very nice person. I would almost characterize the dates as pity dates. This characterization is more a function of my own insecurities (she was gorgeous, why she kept agreeing to go out with me was baffling).
2) Fate favors the bold. I never kissed her. I never tried to kiss her. In 4 dates. I'll let that sink in a bit... yeah stupid huh? Well I have various reasons, all of them flimsy and weak. She never initiated ANY physical contact with me. Nonverbal communication was screaming "DON'T TOUCH ME." arms always folded, she was always just far enough away that to try to kiss her would be way to obvious and inappropriate. I would touch her arm and her back, but the touching was never reciprocated. I chalked it up to her prudishness, but I just think she wasn't interested in me.
3) Driving 2 hours to see her came off as weak and needy. Fuck driving that far for anybody. If they want to see me, they can drive to me.

On a side note, I named her gun girl due to her take on guns. She loves the movie You've Got Mail. In it, one of the characters laments how she could never be with someone who owns a boat. Well this is how gun girl framed the gun issue. I listed shooting as a hobby of mine. It is something I enjoy and I do own several firearms. Gun girl basically said she could never be with someone who owned firearms. I replied with how the opposite character in the movie replied: "I own guns, so I guess that means we will never be together." How right I was. She relented and backed down obviously and went out on 4 dates with me.

So yeah, I'm bummed out again. I hate dating. Still going to do. No choice, it's self-destructive without being fattening

ADDENDUM: I received an email from gun girl about a month after our last conversation. Seems she's a sucker for the whole unresolved and closure thing. Basically said the same thing as every other girl who has ever dumped me said: not the girl for you, you're a great guy, stay friends, blah blah blah. I replied saying I already knew what she revealed in her email and already considered the matter "resolved." She replied that she was genuinely interested in remaining in contact and she hoped I would stay in touch. Fat Fucking Chance.

2nd Grade Girl - After Action Report

I also met 2nd grade girl early on in the process. I met her prior to meeting PhD girl. I simply forgot about it. Clearly she made an impression. Matched up through eharmony. She looked cute enough in her pictures. We emailed for a while before she dropped off the face of the earth for about 2 weeks. She suddenly turned up again and gave me her real email address and phone number. We started talking. She seemed cool enough. Laughed at all my funny quips and one liners. Eventually, if not awkwardly, I asked her out for drinks. She agreed and we met up.

Well her pictures were not quite representative of how she looked now. She was fun enough to hang out with. However she had a patronizing quality about her I found grating. She would often talk to me like I was one of her second graders. Jokes that would have made her laugh on the phone now seemed to annoy her. Perhaps I wasn't quite what she expected either.

At the end of the night I walked her to her car, we chatted a bit and then left. I never called her back. She never called me back. I think the unattraction was mutual.

Lessons Learned:

• Drink dates are good for vetting purposes. They are cheap and allow me to be chivalrous without spending a small fortune on dinner and show. Coffee or Alcohol is fine, it also leaves open the possibility of turning it into a dinner date.
  
• Phone chemistry never equals in-person chemistry. Ever.
• beware the 30+ year old females with really good pictures.